If you want to read these in sequence:
2020-09-23: The Night’s Watch
2020-09-25: Waking Up From Death 
2020-09-28: The Last Goodbyes

My mother passed away peacefully at home this morning around 5:30 am, Eastern Time. She’d been in home hospice for the past week. She’d been living at home with my sister since 2009, where she moved after our father passed away. She was 89 years old.

She was born with cerebral palsy. Despite her disability, she worked as a legal secretary, typing, and taking shorthand dictation, for much of her life. Taking after her mother, she enjoyed sewing throughout most of her life. In retirement, she took up weaving, and created many beautiful works which her family continues to enjoy.

She and our father were active volunteers in many community organizations everywhere they lived, including various community theater groups in Florida and New York, and the Mineral and Lapidary Museum of Henderson County in North Carolina, where they retired.

She was charming, and made friends easily. Stories abound of how she befriended strangers, whether they be people waiting on line with her, wrong numbers at our home, or truckers on the Long Island Expressway. She will be dearly missed by all who knew her.

No immediate service or memorial is planned.  In keeping with her wishes, her remains will be cremated, to be scattered with those of her husband at a future date. The family will plan an online celebration of life sometime in the future.

In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be sent to your state or local chapter of United Cerebral Palsy (UCP), https://ucp.org/find-us/

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2020-09-28: The Last Goodbyes
2020-09-25: Waking Up From Death 
2020-09-23: The Night’s Watch

We’re nearing the end. Mom hasn’t eaten anything, not even a popsicle, in two days. The “comfort” drugs are powerful, blunt instruments that can only do so much to relieve her pain and discomfort. She is sleeping more and more. Her breath is shallow, but – thankfully – untroubled right now.

This morning, we got to have a few lucid minutes with her, before she fell back asleep. Cass – her granddaughter, my niece – and I were with her in the room. She said to us: “It feels like I keep waking up from death.” A pause, then “It feels weird”. “I bet it does!” I replied. “Does that make sense?” she asked. “Yes,” I answered. Then she began to say “But you …” and dismissed what she was going to say. I understood it as “You don’t believe in anything” as I’m atheist.

I do believe in the sacredness of this time, this experience. This morning’s conversation, however brief, was a blessing. There are no magic spirits behind any of this. It’s what we bring of ourselves to it.

Wishing that this would end soon arises from both kindness and selfishness. They coexist in us. There is so much else going on around me and my family right now, I don’t know how we endure it. Not to mention the state of the world, the peril we face in this country. But endure we must.

I am tired. I need to sleep. I hate the idea of leaving my mother alone in this room. I don’t want her to wake up and see there’s no one here. But that’s an unrealistic fear. She is sleeping peacefully right now, and most likely will for hours. I will be up hours before we get her up in the morning to change her.

I just want one of us to be with her when she passes. When she no longer wakes from her last death.

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[Transcribed from a 2017-09-16 Twitter thread and back-dated.]

I originally wrote this as a linked group of posts on Twitter in response to an article about a teacher put on leave after “manhandling” (violently snatching from his chair) a student who refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance.

A billion yrs ago, I was in high school. I was gay, atheist, and figuring out my personal conscience and integrity against the injustice I saw in the world.

I spent a lot of time in the school library. There I found a copy of an ACLU handbook on students’ rights. Among the chapters, there was a section about reciting, or even standing for, the so-called “Pledge of Allegiance.” That was the practice in my high scool’s “home room”: the first “class” of the day, where attendance was taken, and Pledge recited. I had been standing only, not reciting, for weeks.

After reviewing the ACLU handbook, I wanted to exercise my conscience, and my right. One morning, I remained seated. The teacher, calling me by my last name, told me to stand. I refused. He asked why. I explained. I was lying if I recited it. There was no “liberty and justice for all.” I was atheist, and did not believe in a nation “under god.”

He moved on that 1st day. The 2nd day, he brought in the school’s disciplinarian to glare at me from the doorway, to intimidate. I sat. There was the visit to the principal’s office. I explained my reasons again. I remained seated.

This gave other students license to attempt intimidation, push my chair while I remained seated, shove me in hallways outside class. One student called me a “godless, commie fag.” He didn’t know I was gay. It was just the worst insult he could think of.

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“Farmington teacher accused of mistreating student put on leave“, Charles E. Ramirez and Mark Hicks, The Detroit News, 2017-09-15 Continue reading →

This is an updated version of a recipe I published 3 years ago. This version reflects the adjustments I’ve made since then. I feel like I’ve perfected this one. If you try this recipe, let me know what you did and how it turned out in the comments!

The trick of using a frozen lemon and zesting the whole thing is something I picked up from my husband. He came across it, as he says, “on the computer.” As you grind down the lemon toward the center, be sure to pick out the seeds with a fork.

Yield: 60 (5 dozen) cookies

Ingredients

• 1 ¼ cups (2 ½ sticks) butter, softened to room temperature
• ½ frozen lemon, zested
• 2-1/2 cups (10 oz) all-purpose flour, sifted. I like using white whole wheat flower for a recipe like this that has more delicate flavorings.
• 3 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 teaspoons baking soda
• 2 cups white sugar
• 1 teaspoon lemon extract
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 2 teaspoons ground cardamom
• ½ teaspoon ground cloves
• ½ teaspoons ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon salt (optional)

Directions

1. Let the butter soften to room temperature.
2. Zest the frozen lemon (pick out seeds, as needed) into a small bowl and set aside to thaw.
3. Preheat the oven to 350F.
4. Sift the flour and set aside.
5. Cream the butter until smooth.
6. Cream the butter and sugar together at high speed until light and fluffy.
   
7. Add the zested lemon, extracts, and spices. Add salt to taste, if desired.
8. Add the baking powder and baking soda and blend well.
   
9. Add the sifted flour and mix until just blended together and no flecks remain.
   
10. Chill the dough in the refrigerator for at least an hour.
11. Prepare baking sheets with parchment paper.
12. Scoop tablespoons of the chilled dough, roll lightly in sugar, and place on the parchment. Leave space between them; they will roughly double in diameter.
    
13. Bake for 10 minutes until just brown on the edges. Your sense of smell is the best guide; remove them when you can just smell the sugar caramelizing. The edges should be just starting to darken. This will give you a crisp edge and chewy center.
    
14. Remove the baking sheet to a cooling rack, and let the cookies cool and set up on the sheet.

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